the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
