I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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