did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
