Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
