she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
