Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just invented taco cereal.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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