Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Randomize
