I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize