so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just forgot I was standing up.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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