why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
