Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
