let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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