I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize