We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
