Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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