after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Send help, water and tortillas.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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