My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
