the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
