you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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