What a fucking waste of an outfit
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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