i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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