I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Randomize
