now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
this is an emotional support booty call
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
