Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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