Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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