My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
