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It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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