Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
