Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
