he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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