Where is the hickey?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
