Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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