remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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