Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
