Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
