I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
