Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
