It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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