I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
