I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
