you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
