There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
