final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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