Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
