Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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