the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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