Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
