sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Life is so much better after having sex.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
