He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
