My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
