What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize