I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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