Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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