Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize