I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
