Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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