U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
