I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
