so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
