Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm at about main and main street
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize