I think I died a long time ago.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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