How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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