he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
