i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
