butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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