I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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