Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize