my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
