Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
