You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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