fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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