Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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