I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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