I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
