Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
