I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
