Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
