It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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