Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
