I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
