she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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