I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
