I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
