I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just invented taco cereal.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
