I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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