he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
