Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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