they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
