I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize