She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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