Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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