New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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