Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
