She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize